Since we are in the season of love with Valentines right around the corner I thought that I would bravely write about something that I have been wanting to write about for quite some time now. — I just haven’t had the guts to do it, well until now.
I’m talking about the topic of…SEX!
Gasp… Okay, give me a second to compose myself because this is not an easy thing for me to write as it is
embarrassing personal and … well … personal. However, with that being said, I do believe that us women can (mostly) relate to our feelings of sex and what our hubbies think about it too! Although we might have slightly different experiences in this “area,” we do have a lot of similarities because let’s face it — men are men and women are women. Oh, and not to mention the fact that men are pretty much wired the same.
As I sit back and contemplate what to get my hubby for Valentines day, it really got me thinking, “what is something that he really wants?” And if I’m really being honest with myself; it isn’t a new shirt — or chocolates — or flowers. What he really wants is… a night of passionate sex!
You see, if your husband is
anything like mine like the rest of the men on the planet than I am sure yours wants the same thing. I totally get that It might be easy for us women to roll our eyes and throw out our list of extremely valid reasons as to why we just “aren’t in the mood,” but when we really start to understand our men for who they are and how God made them, than it no longer becomes a chore (or a burden) for us to fulfill this desire. It becomes something that we want to do, and let’s be honest, it fulfills in us a great desire and need as well. My husband always jokes with me that I just “forget” how much I like it too. You know what? He is absolutely right! I am so grateful that he so lovingly reminds me — even on those nights that I “thought” I didn’t want to.
It is my desire to understand my husband better and to put our love life back at the top of my priority list. I have found that the more we communicate and talk about it, the more we understand each other and the greater our love grows for one another. Simply by improving our sex life we have avoided a lot of conflict and heartache from other issues that really don’t matter. Us wives have other needs and desires too but for this particular post I’m focusing just on the husbands here.
So bare with me as I share 5 things from a mans perspective, that might help you to understand your husband a little better and help you with what he really wants for Valentines day — and every day for that matter. The best way to get inside your husbands head is to just start asking him, he may be reluctant to tell you at first but if you are open to listen you just might learn a lot. So here we go with some things I have learned from my husband in the past few years that I didn’t know before.
- For men sex is not optional. It is up there with eating, drinking and breathing. To a husband, sex is about right up there on the list with breathing. Seriously. Can he survive without sex? Yes, but it’s not fun at all. Sex is to the man, what talking/communication is to the woman. If you would ask several wives if it would be ok if their husband didn’t listen or communicate with them for weeks at a time – well, you get the idea. Frequent sex = happy, attentive, listening, cuddling, caring, talking husbands. What wife wouldn’t want this from their hubby? I could probably stop right here, since this is so important for us women to understand but I will go on.
- Husbands use sex to reconnect. It is their way of feeling close with their wives again. Sometimes it may seem as though our men are sex addicts. No need to worry. It is just their way of feeling close to their wives after a long day and knowing that they have that confidence and security from their wife. They need to know that no matter how hard their day was, they are able to conquer another day if they have security and connection from their wife at home. We are their home base. For us women we need to be filled more with talking and communicating — that is how we feel connected. Imagine if we didn’t have that kind of release or that emotional desire wasn’t being met? Well, it’s the same thing for men with sex. They need to reconnect this way.
- He doesn’t always want to be the one asking. Be the initiator sometimes! Let’s face it, more often than not the man is the one asking for or initiating sex because for us women it’s just not on our mind 24/7 like it is theirs. So if you want to surprise him and really make his day, be the one to get things started for a change. He wants to know that you desire him sexually and not just put up with him. Show him that you desire him, want him and need him. Since most of us women are planners, have a romantic or wild night planned in your bedroom when the kids go to bed. Or really blow his mind and do something when he least expects it. While he is on the couch watching TV (obviously the kids would not be around) go over and straddle him and start going at it. If we don’t get in the mindset of having sex with our husband on a regular basis then as soon as your head hits that pillow you will be asleep and before you know it a week will have gone by and you will start to wonder why your husband seems so cranky, I know you all know what I’m talking about.
- Be adventurous with sex! Yes, it doesn’t have to always be the “normal” sex right before bed. Or the “quickie” sex, lets start thinking outside the box and be a little more adventurous. When it comes to when and where or it can even be just trying new positions together or just switching things up to spice things up a bit. Put something sexy on turn up some music and light some candles; it will drive him wild. Wear his favorite panties or surprise him with some sexy lingerie- you know those cute outfits you bought for your honeymoon? Dust them off and start putting them to good use. Walk across the room naked and give him a little tease. I can already see you rolling your eyes, but hear me out. If your husband is working hard to avert his eyes from every other sexual source besides his wife, not viewing any porn, not checking out the girl on the billboard, etc -he has a God-given need/desire/appetite to admire his wife’s naked body. I know this may seem strange to you, but it’s true. Remember you are his only sexual source.
- Flirt with him throughout the day. During the day when you are going crazy taking care of the kids, take some time out to let him know that you are always thinking of him. Surprise him with a naughty or sexual text. It could be as simple as “I have a surprise for you tonight, after the kids go to bed.” Or if your feeling more adventures take some “for your eyes only” pictures and send them to him. Not only will this let him know that his wife is thinking of him but he will have a permanent smile on his face all day and think he’s got the greatest wife EVER. And I will bashfully admit we have even tried out “sexting” but just be careful who might be around with this one and if you have older kids who can read, then maybe this isn’t for you lol. All these things keep you connected throughout the day and allow you both to have a little fun and excitement in your relationship.
- Okay I know I said 5 but one more won’t hurt. He thinks you’re GORGEOUS! It doesn’t matter how you feel about that left over baby fat, or how you cringe when you look in the mirror and see those stretch marks – your husband couldn’t care less! He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, and even when he tells you this, you dismiss it, and say stuff like “thanks hon, but I don’t think so” or “well, you may feel that way, but nobody else does”. Please don’t do this! Your husband isn’t trying to “put you on” by telling you he thinks your body is amazing – he truly thinks it is! You have to learn to accept the compliment as him being honest, and say thank you, instead of trying to play it off.
Whew! You made it through. I hope you won’t take this as a long list of “to do’s” but rather some things to ponder, to get you in the mindset of loving your husband and understanding him just a little better because he is longing to be accepted by you in this area. He wants to know that even though we may not understand his constant desire for you, you accept it for who he is and are not only willing but love helping him in that way that only his beautiful, amazing wife can.
If us as wives can do some of these things on even a semi-regular basis than your husband will be willing to conquer the world for you.